High school never ends.

Be warned I will be taking full advantage of the adult language disclaimer on the top of my page.

I'm overweight, clearly I realize this or I wouldn't have a blog devoted to trying to fix that. (Sure I am terrible at updating because I am easily embarassed when I screw up) I get that people find me unattractive but I don't really care about their opinions anyway. My boyfriend likes me and just wants me to healthy because he wants me to not die before I'm 30. (A little melodramatic I'd probably make it to 40).
But it's apparently offensive for me to be seen trying to correct this. Nobody looks good when they're working out if they're doing it right but yes I'm aware if you're particularly shallow the sight of someone my size jiggling sweating and puffing could be offputting but you know what? Shut the fuck up and go somewhere else! I was in the gym/ rec room in our apartment complex 3/4 through my 20 minute high intensity workout on the elliptical. (Medium stride for my height, 2nd highest resistance and averaging at least 55 steps a minute. ) When a bitchy blonde who couldn't have been more than a size 4 came in and decided that she needed that machine right now. Instead of asking me politely or inquiring how much longer the machine would be in use she decided that dissconnecting my headphones (my ishuffle was on a counter next to the machine.) and saying I looked "fucking pathetic" was the mature reaction to this situation. She continued to badger me with jabs about my love handles poking out (my top was too tight) and my chest bouncing (don't have a decent sports bra right now) and I told her politely(comparatively) that I had fifteen minutes left and to please take her hands off my stuff. Yes this added ten minutes to my workout out of spite. In retrospect that was not a mature reaction either but luckily I am pretty good at judging my fatigue levels and I had been contemplating either upping the resistance or going for longer and that was as good of a motivation as any to kick my ass harder,.

But seriously does she think this is fucking high school and just because she's conventionally attractive she has some fucking power over me? I was not a typical geeky doormat for popular kids back then and I sure as hell am not falling for it now. There is nothing pathetic about seeing my problem and trying to fix it.

That, right there is why I've ranted about how our society is so enabling for obesity. We say that we want people to get healthy and that it's not an aesthetic issue but god help you if you show that you're working on it. Being on a diet is passe and no one takes you seriously when you're working out in public. Well, society FUCK YOU! I'm overweight, I'm fixing it and I don't give a damn what you think of it.

"If i look back i am lost."

 Daenerys Targaryen, A Game of Thrones

My workout routine.

So, for those who are curious. This is my new workout routine. Disclaimer:  this is not a beginners set but intermediates and ambitious newbies who know their limits and will take it slow in integrating these moves will find that they really punch up your old routine.

My Daily Workout Routine: Note I take a break to do a cardio intervals (jumping Jacks, mountain climber burpees etc ) and mini set of stretches between each group of moves to get a little bit more calorie burn out of this and to give my joints a quick break since they get a lot of stress from my extra weight. The cardio intervals are only 2 minutes long but they do help you get more out of the workout.  

Group 1: Cherry Pickers , Washing Machines,Side Bends. 3 sets of 10 reps each.
Group 2: Supergirl Plank, Reverse Squats, Side Planks, Jump Squats, 2 sets of 20 reps each.
Group 3: Plank Pose, Criss Crosses, Fire Hydrants, Donkey Kicks, 3 sets of 10 each (excluding plank just hold the pose as long as you can  wile maintaining form at the beginning of each set)
Group 4:  Double Leg Stretch, Single Leg Stretch, Side Leg Extensions, Side Leg Lifts, Side Leg Circles, Rollups.3 sets of 10

Please let me know if any of those links are broken or link to the wrong demo.

That's my new daily form of torture, the only real difference between it and the old one is that Group 2 is all new and I used to have just regular squats ending group 3. But it does make a pretty big difference.

"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"- Bran Stark
"That is the only time a man can be brave" - Eddard Stark - A Game of Thrones. 

Embarrassing Anecdote and a diatribe on Fad Diets.

So I tried today but I pushed myself a little too hard trying to make my routine more challenging and ended up hurting myself. Nothing major just embarrassing and it reminded me of something I want to talk about. I warn you the following concerns the uncomfortable subject of bodily functions and why eating right is really really important.

I was lazy last night after two days away from home sleeping on a terribly uncomfy couch so I just tossed some sauerkraut and pork shank in the crock pot when we got home in the afternoon and fell into a deep nap. Under ordinary circumstances, served with green salad this is a perfectly healthy meal. Pork shank is lean and kraut is a low fat flavoring with all the nutrients of cabbage. Unfortunately my body was stressed from lack of sleep and trying out some new workout moves. (Seriously reverse squats are evil but they get some hard to reach muscles in the quads, glutes and lower back) and when my body gets too stressed it doesn't digest things very well and I end up bloated and with diarrhea. Cabbage can cause such a reaction on it's own so my body was in for a double whammy (what is it with cabbage and beans, some of the healthiest things out there but they are so bad for bloating!)  So I had that unpleasantness and when I was finally recovered enough to work out (I thought) I started doing some of the new squats I added to the routine and I felt a terrible pain. I went to the bathroom and  was bleeding from my anus. (tried to warn you this was embarassing) I had torn it from the stress of the morning and the new moves. It's nothing serious but the little stuff like this that no one talks about it why it is so important to plan ahead and really think about what you are putting in your body. I know it's not fun to think about but the fact that people don't talk about this stuff is part of why extreme weight loss fails so often. This embarrassing and painful kind of experience is really discouraging if you don't realize how common it can be. The solution to this is of course more fiber and smaller portions of foods that cause me distress before I up a workout difficulty level. But it's annoying that I had to derail a day of progress for a dumb mistake.

Now, onto tonight's rant on Fad diets. When I was 17 a doctor got on my case about my weight because I was about 180 with a 32" waist and 42" chest and hips. (in short about where I am trying to get back to now.) I was in colorguard so I was dancing and marching and running to workout. I also worked as a CNA after school so I was on my feet a lot. I really wasn't unhealthy. A size 12 is hardly obese. But my BMI said differently so the doctor put me on the South Beach diet. The handouts she ended up giving me were so confusing that I ended up eating pretty much nothing but iceberg lettuce "salad" , celery and grilled chicken since it was a low carb based system. I lost a ridiculous amount of weight (about twenty pounds in just over a month) I got compliments left and right and I even went to prom with the guy I'd had a crush on for months (despite the fact that he had consistently not shown interest before.) But it was a terribly unhealthy way to function especially went I started taking an insane short term college class that had me waking up at 5AM to work 9 hours straight. The boy dumped me and my body pretty much just shut down on me. So I went back to eating the way I had been before which made me gain it all back plus some. Then college hit and so did cafeteria food and sedentary student life so I just kept getting bigger.

[Via: Weight Loss for Lemondrop]

That's an extreme example but the concept is the same. When something offers you insane weight loss in exchange for paring your menu down to a single foodgroup or item. Avoid it like the plague! Your body is a finicky machine that needs a huge variety of different foods. While the old food pyramid was a little miss-stacked it was a good idea of how many different things your body needs to thrive.
Also, as I've said before anything that promises a result to good to be true, isn't. Weight loss is a slow grinding  process that takes commitment and serious, all around change. You can't just pick up a diet until you're where you want to be and then go back to your old life. It just makes it worse. That being said, remember this is a lifestyle, not a diet.

What the food pyramid should look like (No one ever remembers legumes) 

Extra Credits?

I didn't work out today since I've been with Riley all day and I'm not paticularly fond of working out in front of him; Well anyone really. That's the main reason I keep weekends as my recovery days. I am considering working out tonight anyway since I am alone while he's at game. I am just feeling so... gross. It's like I'm not doing enough and everyone can see what a half ass effort this is.

I know I am making progress I think this is mostly just guilt about how falling off the wagon and losing so much ground. I know intellectually that this is a slow process and that I'm going to lose track along the way it's just, well tiring. This is not a Karate Kid montage it's a marathon. I know I've said all of this before and I'm really just whining but honestly it's my blog and I feel like crap so that's what I'm going to talk about.

On a lighter note, taking that photo of me made me think that I would like to do a time lapse video of my weight loss process. In the media you see a lot of extremely unrealistic portrayals of weight loss (Yes I'm looking at you Biggest Loser and Extreme Weightloss Makeover!) and I want to show what a year of weightloss looks like. So from here on out, I will take a photo every day that I can until I have 365 of them to put into video together. This will be embarassing since it will make my setbacks obvious as well as how soul crushingly slow this process is. I know I will get there, one step at a time.


Alternate Spock: One man cannot summon the future.
James T. Kirk: But one man can change the present. - Star Trek TOS. Mirror, Mirror

P.S. I went to Trek in the Park in Portland today and they performed that episode. It was awesome!

Day 10: Meh

I worked out, I didn't mope too much and I am finally starting to hurt less and get some energy back, only two weeks into this routine. I know that doesn't seem like too terribly long to wait for results but keep in mind that I have been in pain, bloated and uncomfortable for two straight weeks on top of the sheer effort it takes to exercise in this heat anyway. Now that I am (hopefully) over the initial hill I can reap the benefits until I hit the next one.

That is all for tonight. This night owl's gonna go read a silly fantasy novel and try to fall asleep.

Day 9. Facing the scale

So I had to get on the scale before they would give me my shot. I was nervous because I have seen so little difference in my measurements or my fitness level and I have been slipping but I got an awesome suprise. I lost more than ten pounds!
I still have a long ways to go but this is a huge milestone and it total gave me the impetus to keep going because clearly I am doing something right. I know I said that the weight itself is not the goal and I have no magic number but it's still some tangible evidence that I am on my way to getting better. Also I have lost another half inch off my waist and two inches off the evil belly! That leaves 3.5 inches to go to my overall goal waistwise and a very long way to go on the actual tummy but it's a step and I will totally take it as a victory.

Day 8 off the wagon... kinda

First day with Riley out of town and I was trying so hard to keep busy that I thoroughly forgot to work out. I will be putting on a quick cardio workout and some yoga before bed since I am a total night owl when I am home alone but it's still hard not to feel like I'm already losing.
I do get really mopey when I am alone which is why I'm trying so hard to keep busy and keep myself distracted. Tomorrow I get my shot (birth control,) I'm not late for it but the withdrawl makes me kind of insanely depressed so hopefully my hormones will balance out and I won't be quite so self pitying and pathetic.
A single battle lost, but the war goes on.