Monday, September 26, 2011

High school never ends.

Be warned I will be taking full advantage of the adult language disclaimer on the top of my page.

I'm overweight, clearly I realize this or I wouldn't have a blog devoted to trying to fix that. (Sure I am terrible at updating because I am easily embarassed when I screw up) I get that people find me unattractive but I don't really care about their opinions anyway. My boyfriend likes me and just wants me to healthy because he wants me to not die before I'm 30. (A little melodramatic I'd probably make it to 40).
But it's apparently offensive for me to be seen trying to correct this. Nobody looks good when they're working out if they're doing it right but yes I'm aware if you're particularly shallow the sight of someone my size jiggling sweating and puffing could be offputting but you know what? Shut the fuck up and go somewhere else! I was in the gym/ rec room in our apartment complex 3/4 through my 20 minute high intensity workout on the elliptical. (Medium stride for my height, 2nd highest resistance and averaging at least 55 steps a minute. ) When a bitchy blonde who couldn't have been more than a size 4 came in and decided that she needed that machine right now. Instead of asking me politely or inquiring how much longer the machine would be in use she decided that dissconnecting my headphones (my ishuffle was on a counter next to the machine.) and saying I looked "fucking pathetic" was the mature reaction to this situation. She continued to badger me with jabs about my love handles poking out (my top was too tight) and my chest bouncing (don't have a decent sports bra right now) and I told her politely(comparatively) that I had fifteen minutes left and to please take her hands off my stuff. Yes this added ten minutes to my workout out of spite. In retrospect that was not a mature reaction either but luckily I am pretty good at judging my fatigue levels and I had been contemplating either upping the resistance or going for longer and that was as good of a motivation as any to kick my ass harder,.

But seriously does she think this is fucking high school and just because she's conventionally attractive she has some fucking power over me? I was not a typical geeky doormat for popular kids back then and I sure as hell am not falling for it now. There is nothing pathetic about seeing my problem and trying to fix it.

That, right there is why I've ranted about how our society is so enabling for obesity. We say that we want people to get healthy and that it's not an aesthetic issue but god help you if you show that you're working on it. Being on a diet is passe and no one takes you seriously when you're working out in public. Well, society FUCK YOU! I'm overweight, I'm fixing it and I don't give a damn what you think of it.

"If i look back i am lost."
 Daenerys Targaryen, A Game of Thrones